I stared at myself in the reflection of the train window. Yes, that was my face. I stared deeper and deeper. Right in the eyes. And I realised, there was a storm brewing. Sadness. Then I remembered, a friend I hadn’t seen for a long time said, “Your eyes don’t lie.”
To myself, please endure. Leave it to God, and don’t give up.
You know how it felt, don’t you? It was your past.
But why are you now doing it to someone else? Why are you ruining someone else’s future when you know precisely your past was ruined by the exact same thing?
How can you be so selfish…
…and so evil?
The people who hurt you don’t know the damage they’ve created. To them, you look fine, you seem strong… They don’t know.
They don’t know the chest pain you feel. The throbbing headache. The noise in your ears. The constant nightmares. The cramps in your stomach. The voice that keeps saying, “You’re unworthy.” How hard it is to push through a day. The deep sadness that threatens to take your life.
They fucking don’t care.
They’re not even sorry.
Home is no longer a place
It’s when his lips touch my forehead
When his arms envelop me tight
When my nose smells his hair
When my thumb rubs his cheek
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Aku tidak mengerti bagaimana otak dan hati bekerja. Aku tidak sepintar itu untuk menyeimbangkan logika dan perasaan; padahal kedua hal tersebut kadangkala tidak seiring sejalan.
Tapi aku bisa memastikan, ketika mereka berseberangan, mereka sebenarnya tengah menyakiti jiwa dan ragaku.
Otak dan hati. Mereka terus beradu. Tanpa mereka sadar, jiwa dan ragaku terganggu.
Mereka kira, dari mana datangnya gelisah ini? Aku itu resah memutuskan siapa yang perlu didengarkan.
Mereka kira, dari mana datangnya sakit kepala ini? Aku itu dimakan pikiran karena keduanya begitu ngotot berdebat.
Urusan logika dan perasaan, bisa lebih rumit dari rumus Matematika tersulit. Lalu aku, yang bahkan tidak lagi ingat apa itu Faktor Persekutuan Besar dan Kelipatan Persekutuan Kecil, diminta mampu menyelesaikan urusan mereka?
Tidak. Terima kasih.
Pada akhirnya, kubiarkan saja mereka terus berbeda pendapat. Sambil kuberharap dalam letih, semoga mereka tutup mulut.
Once there was a boy. Who played the guitar and banjo. He serenaded songs with joy. He wrote lyrics while sipping espresso.
There was one thing though. He thought his music was cheapo. He completely didn’t know. When he sang he had this glow.
I miss when my day was greeted by your “Good morning!”
I miss when you sent me song links, romantic and energizing
I miss our sarcasm and witty comebacks; they were wild as fuck
I miss when we cursed and swore, for shit that was thunderstruck
I once knew someone.
Who became the shoulder to cry on, when I found out that my world had betrayed me. And I thank him for the cheese pasta he cooked, the movies we watched together, the board games we played and the stupid cynical jokes he threw.
I once knew someone.
Who said “Hello” to my sorrow, and made my days colored with rainbow. And I thank him for the songs he shared, and the hours of thumb-talking. He lent an ear to my dreams, and was there when I felt like I were juggling frogs!
Oh, it wasn’t someone. There were two.
She’s jolly when I’m gloomy.
She talks to her friends when I’m lonely.
She laughs when I weep.
She looks fine when I feel horrible.
She’s the cloak that conceals me.
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